Maybe not! In fact, maybe it is not clear at all!
Why am I suffering so much, yet I have the job of my dreams,
a loving family, a community which does not judge me.
Why have I done what I have just done?
How is it that I found myself committing such a sin?
Why do I speak with a tone of voice which carries sadness?
“We are in the dark about ourselves. When we act, we are groping in the dark, and may meet with a fall any moment. Here and there, perhaps, we see a little; or, in our attempts to influence and move our minds, we are making experiments (as it were) with some delicate and dangerous instrument, which works we do not know how, and may produce unexpected and disastrous effects.
The management of our hearts is quite above us. Under these circumstances it becomes our comfort to look up to God. “Thou, God, seest me!” He knoweth whereof we are made, and He alone can uphold us. He sees with most appalling distinctness all our sins, all the windings and recesses of evil within us; yet it is our only comfort to know this, and to trust Him for help against ourselves. To those who have a right notion of their weakness, the thought of their Almighty Sanctifier and Guide is continually present. They believe in the necessity of a spiritual influence to change and strengthen them, not as a mere abstract doctrine, but as a practical and most consolatory truth, daily to be fulfilled in their warfare with sin and Satan.
Last Wednesday it was the Feast of Cardinal John Henry Newman. For him it was not clear at all, but he was not in the darkness!
